Cafe Mariposa a.k.a. My Cocoon

About a week after we buried Salvatore, Mimmo and I took off to Mendocino. We didn't know where we were going. I remember waking up that particular morning and, not able to bear being in our apartment a minute longer, said "Let's get the hell OUT of here!," We took off in the car. We were on 80 and I spoke to Leila briefly on the phone. "I don't know where we're going. Only that I can't be here and we're in the car and we're heading north. I'm sooo angry, Lei!"

So we headed up to Sonoma, cut through the Russian River, made our way to the mouth of the Pacific Ocean and continued heading up beautiful Highway One. We cursed and we cried. We argued and we stopped along the road to sit, to scream, and to hold each other.

We were driving through this one section of forest. So beautiful and so green. Yet, all this greenery, all this beauty, all this "getting away" still could not heal this gigantic hole that was in our hearts. "It's so beautiful," I tried. "Yes, it is," Mimmo said, "But, he should be here. He should be here, seeing this with us,". Mimmo was angry in this moment. I was sorrowful. We held these two sides of grief, not knowing that this was the path we would be travelling together for quite some time. I tried to hold on, as I continue to try, to find some sense of the positive in the situation. So, as we passed through this symphony of great, grand trees, Mimmo's word echoed in my mind. I wanted to believe that Salvatore WAS with us in this moment. That he was seeing all this with us. I thought, well, I'm a lucky girl because I can feel all this love that's being directed towards us in this moment. We have so many people who are holding us in their thoughts and in their love. And, I looked at Mimmo, grabbed his hand and said "I love you,". Yes, we were in this horrible ride together, but we were, "a punto," as Mimmo would say, in it, together, at least.

Somehow, in this short journey, I discovered another positive thing that would lead me home. Somewhere in Mendocino, I read an article that mentioned Cafe Mariposa, which was a gluten-free bakery in Oakland. When we got home, I got on-line and googled them. No way! They were located right down the street from us on 55th and Telegraph. I made my way down there and found this hidden treasure, because Cafe Mariposa was not an easy find! They were located in an Art Deco building off of Telegraph, but the actual site was towards the back of the building, next to a Volvo car repair shop and another hidden treasure called The Wine Mine. There were little orange butterflies stamped into the concrete that led me up to the door. I stepped in and was transported to gluten-free heaven.

Cafe Mariposa had fresh-baked gluten-free muffins, cookies, coffeecake, pumpkin bread, biscotti & brownies. My jaw dropped. "Really?! All gluten-free?" "Yep, all gluten-free," responded the owner, Patti. "Oh, my god. I don't know where to start. I want to eat your entire store,".

Cafe Mariposa from that day became my one and only stop shop. I wasn't getting out in the world much, but when I did leave our apartment, I was probably at Cafe Mariposa. I met friends here, a healer here, brought my mom and my sister here, and spent much time alone. When Mimmo left for Italy, I came often by myself, got my regular "morning muffin", a nourishing carrot/apple/raisin muffin that made me feel well cared for and healthy (even if it's probably not ALL that healthy) and wrote in my journal. I would go there after therapy. I would go there to read "Creative Acts of Healing (after a baby dies)" that Tsilli sent me. I would go there after I had waddled my way around Lake Temescal with my cane. Cafe Mariposa was an all-embracing mamma that held me and rocked me, rewarded me, and nourished me with all kinds of gluten-free LOVE. I was lucky to have found one place that provided me much comfort in my very uncomfortable new world.

In January, when I began my job searching, I came across a craigslist ad for help in a gluten-free bakery. I clicked on it and, indeed, Cafe Mariposa, was hiring. The posting was a bit old though, as Mimmo and I had just gotten back from Hawaii and it had been posted while we were away. I enlisted Leila to come with me that Saturday while she was in town to get some yummies and the scoop on the job situation. It was the new year and my first Saturday there and Cafe Mariposa was PACKED. There was a man working the counter who seemed pretty overwhelmed and one of the bakers who was taking the multitude of espresso drink orders. Not a good time to talk, I thought, but I started with

"Wow, you guys are *really busy*,".
"Yeah," he said.
"I saw an ad in craigslist and wanted to know are you still hiring?"
"Oh, actually we *just* hired someone," he said.
"Oh," well it was worth a shot.
"But, you should talk to Patti, 'cuz you never know...we might need extra help on the weekends"

Patti came in during the rush with her two young daughters and the overwhelmed man (who ended up being her husband) pointed me out and we chatted for a bit. She reiterated what Jason had told me, but encouraged me to drop off a resume if I liked, "Cuz, you never know," she said.

I ended up going for a job interview that week that seemed a shoo-in. The owner liked me, it was through a friend of a friend, all things seemed a-go, and then much to my suprise, she ended up picking the other candidate. I started combing through craigslist and sending out my resume in mass. I decided, in my pro-active mode, to drop off a resume at Cafe Mariposa, even though....

When I came in, I spoke with Patti. We ended up talking about all sorts of things. I told her about Hawaii. And, how we had wanted to open up a business in the neighborhood. I told her about Salvatore and these past few months and that I was just easing myself back into the work force. Patti was compassionate and connected. She listened, asked questions, and even gave me some business advice. She told me, a bit apologetically, that they did just hire someone. I watched the new girl being trained in the background as she spoke. But, there was a possibility that they'd need someone to do bookkeeping once a week. "Would you be interested?," she asked. I told her that I needed something more than a day a week, but that if I found another part-time job, that I might be open to that.

The next week, I dropped Mimmo off in Alameda and stopped off at Cafe Mariposa on my way back home. As I was ordering my morning muffin, I saw Patti's head pop-up through the window and soon after she, and a curly-haired young woman named Dana, approached me like giggling girlfriends. They explained that Aviva, who normally worked in the Cafe had just broke her wrist and sprained the other one in a snowboarding accident and that she was going to, obviously, be unable to work in the cafe. Would I be interested? I had some interviews lined up during the week. They were for part-time jobs. Hmmm, the pay wasn't going to be enough to sustain me, "but, good people and lots of free and discounted gluten-free food," added Patti & Dana, enthusiatically. The job seemed pretty open as they weren't sure when Aviva would be back. And, how could I not want to work at Cafe Mariposa, really?! So, I said yes.

I've been at Cafe Mariposa for a little over a month now. It's been the one steady in the neverending stream of changes and transitions that have followed me in the past month. It's gotten me to be out there in the world, dealing with customers, and forging new relationships with some very kind and extraordinary people I work with. It's also given me gluten-free pizza, bread, cookies, & coconut lemon squares on Monday, Friday, and Saturday. And, I get to see the look on the face of a new customer, who just like me, comes in with awed eyes and dropped jaw.

"Really?! Everything's gluten-free?,"
"It's ALL gluten-free," I say with a smile.
"Oh my god. I think I'm going to cry,"
"Yeah, I know how you feel."